The Epic of Justin Trudeau
by CooperInThePooper
Summary: Son of the most famous Prime Minister in Canadian history and set to fill his father's shoes, Justin Trudeau thought his life would be restrained to boring politics in the land of leafs and maple syrup. However, it seems there may be in store for the man of myth and legend...
1. Part 1: The Epic Begins

It was a typical Canadian morning. As such, it was fucking awful. Niggers were murdering people, Indians and Gypsies were pissing and shitting in the streets, French Quebecois were shoving _croissants_ up their French asses, faggots were pricking neggies with their AIDS blood, Muslims were fucking murdering said faggots with pipe bombs and acid – it was a pretty typical day in Canada.

Justin Trudeau sat up in his bed, stretching out his body with a wide smiles from cheek to cheek. He stood up and walked over to the window, his fat fucking cock in full view of anyone who looked into said window. His tight ass was quite plump and visible, and was free of all shit; because the leader of Canada _does not shit._

Suddenly, another man came up next to Justin, smacking his ass as he came next to him.

"I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this ass," said Barack Obama, the man whom slapped said ass.

"High Bahrahck," said Justin, in his signature voice.

Barack was just as naked as Justin, except for his matching black socks. Due to his constant wearing of these socks, it made their previous night of kissing and fucking obsolete, or at least not gay. Even though Justin had sucked off Barack Obama so hard that it made the forty-fourth president cum into his mouth, cum which he proceeded to swish around in his mouth before swallowing with a hard gulp – before pulling off his pants and fucking Obama in his black asshole until he himself came, followed by an intense night of kissing and snuggling; Barack's wearing of the black socks rendered the two men straight afterward.

The two men stared out toward the violence in the streets. There was currently an intense battle going on; it was blacks versus mexicans versus Quebecois. The surroundings had been all but totally destroyed, and what was left was a pure battlefield.

"Another beautiful day in Canada," said Obama, before leaning over to kiss Justin.

Justin popped a big fucking boner as Obama kissed him, poking Obama's left nut. Obama suddenly became quite offended, slapping Justin across the face. Tears began to emerge from the corner of his eyes as he recovered from the slap. Sorrow grew in his heart, soon beginning to weep. Obama then began to pat Justin on the back, trying to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Justin, I didn't mean to hurt you," said Obama.

"Aht's ohkay Bahrahck, *sniffle* I'm juhst a lahttle tihred is ahll," said Justin.

"Don't you have to meet with Parliament this morning?" Barack asked.

Justin suddenly remembered that today, Parliament was to assemble at ten in the morning. Looking over at his clock, he saw it was 9:30, and he was butt ass naked with Barack Obama's ass cream all over his Canadian body.

"Oh shet!" cried Justin, as he moved to prepare.

He ran over to the closet, pulling on a white dress shirt and only buttoning what would be visible. He slipped on a pair of small rainbow unicorn panties, which tightly hugged his nineteen inch cock, wrapped up like a coil. He jumped into his black dress pants, and slipped on an already tied tie, because Justin had not yet learned how to tie a tie. Tightening it, he threw on his coat and buttoned it, before running over to Barack.

"Dehd I mihss anything?" Justin asked.

Obama looked up and down the man's body, finger and thumb under his chin, before reaching to pull up his pants zipper.

"Your fly was down," Obama commanded.

"Thahnks," said Justin, running to get his socks and shoes.

Justin opened his humongous sock drawer, with endless types of socks with all sorts of colors and designs. Justin debated endlessly with himself, trying to decide what socks to wear. Suddenly, he saw them: a pair of red white and blue socks with Barack Obama's face adorning each one. Justin grabbed them and slipped them over his Canadian toes, bringing them all the way up his calf and to the middle of his thigh. Slipping on his simple black dress shoes, he knew he was ready.

Justin burst through the door and busted ass down the street. Before him, three black people were gang raping a small defenseless white woman. Justin didn't even consider helping her, "Diversity is out strength," he thought to himself, doing a power jump to pass over the men. He was nearly hit by a falling gay man, whom had been cast off the roof above him by a Muslim extremist. Justin figured the gay man and Muslim were just horseplaying (despite the gay man having multiple limbs twisted the complete wrong direction (and, y'know, being fucking dead and all)), and passed by without a care in the world besides his meeting with the Canadian Parliament.

Justin raced down the sidewalk, when suddenly, AMBUSH! Six black people tackled him, and he was held down by five as the one behind him began pulling down his pants to buttfuck him. The man pulled down Justin's rainbow unicorn panties, and shoved his massive black cock into his boipussy. Justin screamed in a Canadian accent, but didn't dare try to resist the man forcefully raping his asshole. Justin shut his eyes as he got fucked, repeating "Diversity is our strength, diversity is our strength" as he was penetrated. One of the men heard him, and questioned what he was referring to.

"Da fug dis nigga talkin bou?" said he.

Soon the man flushed his cum into Justin, and lightly smacked him on the ass. Justin stood up, pulling up his pants as the six black men clapped. The man who fucked him patted him on the shoulder, and wished him a good day. Justin wished the six men the same, and they parted ways. Justin knew that he'd be late, but he couldn't bring himself to blame them. He tried to run faster, starting to cry over the fact that he'd be late to Parliament. It reminded him of his childhood in fact….

" _Mommy, mommy! It's my first day of school!" cried a five-year-old Justin Trudeau, wearing his little suit and tie with a rainbow unicorn backpack and pink tutu._

" _SHUT THE FUCK UP JUSTIN! I'M TRYNA GET_ _ **FUCKED**_ _OVER HERE!" screamed his bitch of a mother, getting fucked over the kitchen table by Tyrone._

" _But mommy! I need to get to school!" said Justin._

" _JUST WALK LIKE I HAD TO YOU STUPID FUCKING RETARD!" screamed his mother._

 _Justin turned his smile upside down, and slowly walked out the door as Tyrone shoved his meat into Justin's mother. Justin walked down the Canadian streets on his way to primary school, passing by many interracial street battles, before being approached by a Native Canadian man._

" _Liddle boy, do yoo want sum maryjooana?" said the Native Canadian man, lit marijuana cigarette in his mouth, holding an unlit one toward Justin._

" _Mari-wha?" questioned the little boy, a confused look on his face._

" _Ihddle help take all yoor troubles awaey, just with wun liddle hit."_

 _Justin looked perplexedly at the cigarette, but thought back to his mother's carelessness when it came to his first day of school. Taking into account the man's claim that the cigarette could "take all his troubles awaey," Justin quickly grabbed the cigarette and tried to inhale. When nothing happened, the Native man began to chuckle in a Native Canadian accent._

" _Liddle boy, the cigarette must bee lit first, you know."_

 _The Native pulled out a small pocket lighter and ignited it, lighting the end of Justin's blunt. Justin took another whiff, and quickly went into a haze._

" _That was a pritty stronk wun, maybe I shoodn't have given it to a liddle boy…" thought the Native, though he quickly disregarded it and went on his merry way._

 _Justin felt the world spin around him. Suddenly, all his pain seemed to go away. His feet ascended from the ground, and he felt himself float through the air all the way to the school building. Justin would never forget this moment, for the rest of his life…_

Justin then realized how he could get to Parliament on time. Quickly running into a local drug store, he purchased a pack of Marijuana cigarettes, and hit one up. Though it took a few minutes, Justin already felt himself feeling the effects. All his pain and misery seemed to go away, as his feet ascended from the ground. He felt his body fly through midair, all the way to the Parliament building. He came through the doors, as the entire assembly erupted in applause at his arrival. Justin made his way before the Parliament, and declared himself to be Emperor of Canada. Parliament overwhelmingly approved of his decision, most breaking down into tears before their beloved Justin. Justin couldn't be happier.

Justin suddenly awoke in a back alley, without pants. He looked at the time, and realized it was three in the afternoon. He then realized that he was simply on a drug trip, and had never actually flown through the air. Thinking back, he realized he hadn't flown to school when he was five either; rather he got high and hitched a ride with a redneck truck driver who wore nothing more than a pink thong and BDSM gear.

Justin began to cry, realizing he was "super-duper" late to Parliament. As he started to cry, a small mouse approached him.

"Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!" said the mouse.

"How can I play when I'm late to Parliament?" asked a crying Justin, before realizing he was still slightly high and that the mouse wasn't actually talking to him.

Justin stood up and slowly marched his way to the Parliament building, with the small hope that they'd still be in session.

He eventually arrived at the building, and entered the room that was amazingly still filled with (admittedly annoyed and angry) Parliamentarians. He came before them, rainbow unicorn underwear and thigh-high Barack Obama socks in full view. There was an awkward silence befalling the room, though Justin attempted to break it.

"Sohrry I'm late, I-" though Justin was interrupted.

"We're impeaching you, Justin," said a nearby Parliamentarian.

"Wh- _what?_ " spoke a shocked Justin, barely able to process what he had just heard.

"We're getting really sick of your bullshit Justin, you were five hours late to Parliament and showed up wearing no pants with rainbow undergarments and thigh-high Barack Obama socks!" said another Parliamentarian.

"Hey, I tried my best!" cried Justin, tears forming in his eyes.

" _Well I guess your best wasn't goood enough!"_ sang another Parliamentarian.

Justin was surrounded by cries of "You suck!" and "Fuck you!" and it was more than he could handle. He broke down, falling to his hands and knees and bawling before the entire Canadian Parliament. They all began to boo in unison, before a Parliamentarian rose.

"JUSTIN PIERRE JAMES TRUDEAU, YOU ARE HEREBY **REMOVED** AS THE TWENTY-THIRD PRIME MINISTER OF THE DOMINION OF CANADA!"

The booing continued, as Justin crawled bawling across the floor toward the door, with many objects being thrown at him. Halfway through his crawl of shame, he suddenly got explosive diarrhea, blowing a hole in his rainbow unicorn panties and blasting shit all over the walls of Parliament. He made extremely sexual grunts and moans every time a blast of shit emerged from his anus, and he vomited profusely at the thought of the new Prime Minister being a Conservative. Covered in vomit, piss and shit, Justin finally crawled through the door which he would never walk through again.


	2. Part 2: The Epic Continues

Justin awoke to an extremely fat man poking him with his shit-crusted finger. Justin backed away, his bare ass scraping against the black pavement, but the human blob just continued to star and come closer. He made extremely autistic sounds like whimpering and whining, and little "yup yup" sounds, and occasionally spazzing out and flailing his entire body around while screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Diversity is our strength," Justin repeated to himself, as he gave the man a pleasant "Hello! Good morning!"

The man continued to make weird noises and sounds at Justin, and Justin then realized the man was trying to touch his penis. Justin wished him farewell, and quickly got the fuck out of there.

Justin had been living on the streets for almost three months now. After being removed from Parliament, his escapade involving crawling out of the building in his rainbow unicorn panties while blasting shit out of his asshole and whimpering surprisingly had not gone over well with the Canadian public, or anyone in the world for that matter.

His wife left him almost immediately, taking everything, including his kids, house, and all his money. Justin quickly ran out of what little savings he had left buying weed from the grocery store, and he had taken the initiative to get high by shoving whole grams of bud up his ass instead of just smoking it. This had caused him to quickly use it all up, leaving him with what he thought was a drug addiction.

Now living on the streets, he had lost all his clothes when he was caught in a street battle between the Indians and Pakistanis, in which he was set on fire while trying to grab a Molotov cocktail from the air, thinking he could drink it. Everyone recognized him, and so he was unable to get a job, not to mention half of the populace already thinking he was a faggot beforehand. Though none of this deterred Justin, as he believed in the Canadian Dream: that _anyone_ can be Prime Minister, even if they are a 500-pound homeless man who likes to make autistic noises and bite off other guys' dicks.

Justin knew he could not be Prime Minister until the current one called for a new election, which seeing as his replacement was a hardline Conservative with a comfortable majority, he did not see as likely for many years. Justin then thought of a new idea: what if he ran for the _American_ Prime Minister?

Justin quickly learned that America actually had a President, not a Prime Minister, and that there was a set election time: every four years. Seeing as the current year (woo-hoo!) was 2019, he decided now was the perfect time to run. He almost began thinking it was fate that made him late to Parliament and lost him his job, as if it was his destiny to lead America.

It was four in the morning. Justin, spending all night arduously working on his perfect plan, finally completed it. He would approach the US-Canadian border, walk across, and then keep walking, and then find New York City. He wasn't sure if it was going to work, or even feasible, but he decided it was destiny and he must do it. With the border just a few kilometers (not miles you stupid americans hahahaha!1) away, he began his march. He wore only his rainbow unicorn panties with the ass cut out (don't ask why) and American flag socks that stretched all the way up to his panties.

He crossed through many tall trees, before seeing the clearing that marked the border between the two nations. Looking around and not seeing any guards, he began to skip across in the cover of darkness. Just as he reached the middle, a flashlight went off directly on him. He stopped dead, turning to face it like a deer in the headlights. A slightly obese man dressed in a police officer Halloween costume (or maybe he was an actual Officer, Justin didn't know) approached him, shining the light in his face. The officer looked him and and down and just gave him a concerned look.

"Uh… y'good, son?" asked the man.

"Wait… you're my daddy?" asked Justin.

"I ain't no fuckin' daddy a' yours, y'fuckin' retard. What the hell y'think yer doin'?"

"Oh, well, I'm just your typical little American girl! I like ponies, and dolls, and I just came over here to look for my dolly! She's wh- Caucasian, she has blonde hair, and a pink dress! Not very _inclusive_ , but I love her till the end! Honest!" said Justin, not even bothering to change his voice.

The guy looked him over one more time, as Justin gave him a toothy smile.

"…well, I'll let ye know if I see yer doll, lil girl," said the man.

"Oh, thank you kind sir!" said Justin, before pecking a little kiss on the man's cheek.

"Oh, ye run along now y'lil cutie!" said the man, smiling and giving Justin a light shove on the back.

Justin skipped the rest of the way through the border, and went a little further before stopping to catch his breath.

"Oh woman, and here I am thinking I'm gonna have to suck his deck for twenty Canada dollars!" Justin said to himself, "Disgusting Caucasian!"

Justin spit on the ground in disgust, but his spirits quickly heightened as he realized he was finally in the United States.

"This is the start of a new Justin!" said new Justin, beginning to skip down through the woods on his way to New York City.


End file.
